The Power Within

Society has taught us to be perfect, achieve more, win, work harder and be the best. Ofcourse there is nothing wrong with having an objective in life. However some of us okay let’s be honest most of us do not know when to stop and are continuously self-critical, especially with our parenting styles.

As parents our primary occupation involves caring for and meeting the needs of another human being 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Like all demanding professions this too seems to be headed for a burnout. It is this emerging universal problem that has made researchers recommend taking care of oneself before we even think of taking care of our kids. Remember the airline instructions-Passengers are requested to put the oxygen mask on themselves before assisting others.Well ,that pretty much sums up what we really need to do.

Time and again we evaluate our self-esteem by asking ourselves: Am I a good or a bad parent? The problem is all of us want to be the best parents even when we know such a concept is non-existent. This tempting need to achieve perfect parenting leads us to set such high standards that when they are not achieved we devalue ourselves as human beings.

Self- compassion is not a way of judging yourself as compared to others but it involves treating yourself with the same kindness, care and support you would express to a friend. Self-esteem makes us ask questions like- How am I different from others? Whereas self-compassion asks- How am I the same? And the answer is that we are all part of a common humanity and imperfections are a basic fact of life shared with everyone else on the planet.

When parents are able to model a non-judgemental attitude towards themselves children imitate their example leading them to be resilient adults with a higher sense of worth. Parental self compassion can teach kids to allow room for mistakes as a part of learning process and not something that breeds shame and regret.

Educators at Seth M.R Jaipuria School truly believe in the ripple effect that compassion creates. For junior grades we conclude each day with a ritual of self-hugs- no matter what our faults maybe we still have a spark of Divine within each of us and that makes us kind and gentle beings. Students of higher grades have engaged themselves in writing letters of self-compassion. This internal dialogue and soft-vocalisation has helped our students to be more confident and less anxious about their shortcomings.

As parents the first step we could take to embrace compassion in our lives is to pay attention to our inner dialogue that we have during stressful times. Do we use a tone that we would otherwise use with friends or even strangers? Are we constantly belittling ourselves or being critical? Once we are conscious of these self-attacks and the pain they entail on us we can make efforts to be more forgiving and kinder to ourselves. These small yet meaningful introspections will help us raise authentic and senstive individuals with an unwavering courage to believe in themselves.

Anam Zaidi
Counselling Psychologist
Seth M.R Jaipuria